No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
