During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
