Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
