whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
