Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
