I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
