we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
