I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
