it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
