the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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