Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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