and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
