dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
