after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
