We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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