you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
