Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
