I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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