I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
