Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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