I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
