At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
