i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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