My brain says no but my pants say off.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
