I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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