I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
