so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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