Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
