but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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