so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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