dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
