So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
