wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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