I just pynch a tree in the face
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
