True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
