I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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