Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
