Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
