who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
