Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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