spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
