this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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