Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
