Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
