Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
