he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
