I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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