they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
