i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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