Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
