I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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