some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
