is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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