If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
