He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
