I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
