Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
