so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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