I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
