Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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