her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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