Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Randomize
