she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
