So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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