Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
