let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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