she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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